gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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