She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
