Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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