I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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