I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i love accidental penises.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
