I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No subtext here. People are naked.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
