nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm too high and old for this...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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