Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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