Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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