No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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