no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
