Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
