I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
