a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's never too late to be topless.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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