Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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