You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
