Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
