if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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