The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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