so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
