omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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