between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
