It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
