I met the friendliest cop last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
