i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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