I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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