lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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