im so drunk with asians
where?
always
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
