he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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