Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
