I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
