somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
