my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
