I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
