Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
