things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My vagina is very pro this idea
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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