can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
