It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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