Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
