She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
