Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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