I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
