I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
