if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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