chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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