mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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