when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
