Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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