Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
