her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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