Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
