So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
