just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
