So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
