Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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