ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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