the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
