I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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