Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
